there's stuff.
it's coming up and out whether I like it or not.
I could stuff it back down, but that won't do me any good - it'll just come up later on in life... and who wants to carry around heavy baggage if they don't have to? So... up and out it is. I'm honestly a bit.... scared. Mindsets I've held on to for who-knows-how-many years have suddenly gotten much too bold and are now quite noticeable. I feel trapped by them... but it's all illusive - they can't trap me if I won't allow them there.
spring cleaning.
I'll let you know how it goes.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Thursday, April 10, 2008
I really like brownies
I came to an epiphany (sp...?) tonight. I really like brownies. Not only do I really like brownies, but I adore them with ice cream, strawberries and hot fudge the best. I'm also a fan of pineapples, Thai food, sushi, mashed potatoes and gravy, home made Italian pasta dishes, strawberry beer, red wine, dancing when you're not supposed to, interesting umbrellas, driving, high heels, tattoos on boys, playing piano, singing, writing music, good guitar riffs... really any good guitar sound, loud drumming, bluesrockfusion, soulful women vocalists, my black H&M trench coat, my rocketship (car), my roomies, my family, my friends, planning trips, traveling, 40 Oakwood Ave, a clean apartment, seeing people's eyes light up when the make a connection with God, knowing my eyes light up when I make a connection with Him, deep red roses, morning glories, Romans 12:2, Isaiah 55:11, Psalm 42:11, changing mindsets, sleeping in, sunshine, the sound of waves, watching water move, fishies in fish tanks, Audrey Hepburn (my cat), feeling love for people, feeling loved, intensely good conversation, Toronto, Central (my church), roaming about big cities, a cherry-wood Steinway grand piano I used to visit in Camp Hill, independently owned coffee shops, good chai tea, good coffee with lots of milk and a little sugar, honey for my tea, minty gum, peppermint candy canes, cherry bomb lip gloss from VS, Mary Kay face lotion, my ruby ring, my Italian earrings (that I lost and would love to own again), Grandpa Edgidio, sleeping when I'm tired, puffy pillows, thick comforters, free parking, days off of work.... Jesus.
Sunday, April 6, 2008
Don't cut growth
My hair's grown a lot since the summer. Right now it's about two and a half inches lower than my collarbone.
God's been highlighting a few things lately to me about Nazarites. They're basically people who've made a decision in their life to be all the way for God - in every way they can be. There's a few rules that I always thought were rather random and a bit strange...
1/ Can't cut your hair. Personally, I'm a fan of a nice long hairdo, but I always thought this was a strange rule. What does not cutting your hair have to do with your commitment to God? It's this... it's about growth. God doesn't want us to forget the growth, what we've been through and the victories received. They're our testimonies and are worthy to remember. It's remembering what God has done in, for and through us in the past that reminds our spirits who He is and what He can do. We're our own best example of victories received.
2/ Don't drink alcohol. Though I love a nice glass of red wine, I could understand this one. Overdoing it with anything that would alter your state of mind isn't good, but what about all the other activities that numb, or alter our state of being - body, soul and spirit. It's not about the alcohol - it's about anything that would take the place of the Holy Spirit's gentle leading in our lives. What does that look like? It's it video games, music, food, social relationships... what's your "alcohol"? What's in your life that allows you to check out, numb out or even deaden yourself?
3/ Don't touch dead people. This one was the weirdest. How random, right? How many dead people do you go around touching on a daily basis? I would have continued to think it random except God's been teaching me a lot about this, just coming from another angle. Ok, example: I'm not eating meat right now. I have nothing against eating meat - God's just called me to give it up for a time and I'm starting to actually like not having it in my life. He asked me to give it up about a month ago and I wasn't sure why... I just agreed and said goodbye to eating meat. About 20 days into it at a very random moment I heard this, "Don't partake of what was once alive, but is now dead". At the time He was specifically referring to music, but in processing this and allowing it to sink in I realized it's so much more than music. How much do we partake of (or touch) that was meant for life, but somehow ended up dead? Man was God's greatest creative project. He meant man for life and not death, however, when sin (separation from God) entered the world, so did death. Man has the power to create and his creations will flow out of the nature of his heart... in life or in death.
Anyway, that's my little revelation on being a Nazarite.
God's been highlighting a few things lately to me about Nazarites. They're basically people who've made a decision in their life to be all the way for God - in every way they can be. There's a few rules that I always thought were rather random and a bit strange...
1/ Can't cut your hair. Personally, I'm a fan of a nice long hairdo, but I always thought this was a strange rule. What does not cutting your hair have to do with your commitment to God? It's this... it's about growth. God doesn't want us to forget the growth, what we've been through and the victories received. They're our testimonies and are worthy to remember. It's remembering what God has done in, for and through us in the past that reminds our spirits who He is and what He can do. We're our own best example of victories received.
2/ Don't drink alcohol. Though I love a nice glass of red wine, I could understand this one. Overdoing it with anything that would alter your state of mind isn't good, but what about all the other activities that numb, or alter our state of being - body, soul and spirit. It's not about the alcohol - it's about anything that would take the place of the Holy Spirit's gentle leading in our lives. What does that look like? It's it video games, music, food, social relationships... what's your "alcohol"? What's in your life that allows you to check out, numb out or even deaden yourself?
3/ Don't touch dead people. This one was the weirdest. How random, right? How many dead people do you go around touching on a daily basis? I would have continued to think it random except God's been teaching me a lot about this, just coming from another angle. Ok, example: I'm not eating meat right now. I have nothing against eating meat - God's just called me to give it up for a time and I'm starting to actually like not having it in my life. He asked me to give it up about a month ago and I wasn't sure why... I just agreed and said goodbye to eating meat. About 20 days into it at a very random moment I heard this, "Don't partake of what was once alive, but is now dead". At the time He was specifically referring to music, but in processing this and allowing it to sink in I realized it's so much more than music. How much do we partake of (or touch) that was meant for life, but somehow ended up dead? Man was God's greatest creative project. He meant man for life and not death, however, when sin (separation from God) entered the world, so did death. Man has the power to create and his creations will flow out of the nature of his heart... in life or in death.
Anyway, that's my little revelation on being a Nazarite.
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Trains come and go
I strongly dislike Blogger's policy on owning anything posted on here. I just wrote something I'd like to share with everyone... call it selfish, but they're my words and I'm keeping them... maybe I'll sing them to you all one day.
I can tell you what it's about though..... I've noticed ideal situations and amazing people often breeze through my life with a slight pause for only a short time. Maybe it's a wrong belief I've had that orchestrates these situations to be a reality in my life... that could be just it. In any case, I've noticed it and it bothers me. I don't like being sour about my observations, but I'm not sure what to do about the level of irritation I'm experiencing from stirring this around in my little contemplator head. Trains... they come and go. That's their job... it's their purpose... to bring people here and take people from here to other places. I see my life as a train station... I'm here chilling out... doing my thing and every so often a train rolls in. When this happens my breathing stops for a second... hoping nothing too crucial has to go, but excited to see what's rolling in. I'm happy for the trains... nothing good would be in my life if it wasn't brought here... with that in mind, nothing good would fit on the platform if other things didn't have to move on and leave. They have to go... there are other trains who's content will need space to play into the plot of my life. Sadly, it's been teaching my heart not to get too attached. There are few things I dislike as much as saying goodbye...
I can tell you what it's about though..... I've noticed ideal situations and amazing people often breeze through my life with a slight pause for only a short time. Maybe it's a wrong belief I've had that orchestrates these situations to be a reality in my life... that could be just it. In any case, I've noticed it and it bothers me. I don't like being sour about my observations, but I'm not sure what to do about the level of irritation I'm experiencing from stirring this around in my little contemplator head. Trains... they come and go. That's their job... it's their purpose... to bring people here and take people from here to other places. I see my life as a train station... I'm here chilling out... doing my thing and every so often a train rolls in. When this happens my breathing stops for a second... hoping nothing too crucial has to go, but excited to see what's rolling in. I'm happy for the trains... nothing good would be in my life if it wasn't brought here... with that in mind, nothing good would fit on the platform if other things didn't have to move on and leave. They have to go... there are other trains who's content will need space to play into the plot of my life. Sadly, it's been teaching my heart not to get too attached. There are few things I dislike as much as saying goodbye...
Monday, February 25, 2008
candy
I ate way too much candy and now I feel sick. The problem right now isn't me feeling sick, it's that I do this over and over again.... I know when I eat too much candy I will feel sick. This is something I've prooven many times to be true.... yet I still find myself eating way too much candy.
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