Monday morning inspiration

What am I doing.

Last night I was watching P.Diddy's Starmaker. One contestant who was battling obesity told Diddy the previous week that he'd work out and get serious. He only worked out a couple of times - he said he tried. When Diddy heard this he was irritated and basically said to the guy that he has this amazing opportunity, but is he really willing to fight for it and give it his all - because he hadn't the past week. He told the guy it wasn't about trying - it was about a change in lifestyle.

That got me thinking to my own situation. I came back home to 1/finish my degree, 2/work and save up money, 3/work on my music, voice and piano skills. Let's see my progress in the past 2 months:

1. Definitely doing well in my class and loving it.
2. Saved up a considerable amount, but have also spent quite a bit. I'd most likely have about $300 more in my bank account if I didn't spend it on the little day-to-day things. Gotta stop.
3. Music. I've been working on it, but I haven't been fighting for it. I'll let myself research fashion trends online, watch pointless reality shows on tv and do whatever else grabs my attention for the moment instead of wrangling my mind to focus and concentrate on what's important to me. Gotta do it.

Not to mention the little things I wanted to do like: sharpen up my Italian, read my Music Business books, take vocal lessons...

So, today's Monday - a new day, a new week and a new month starts this week. Time to implement a "change in lifestyle"..... thanks Diddy.

The Fireswamp

This physical world seems so real to me.
Unless you'd bend the rules of this physical world...
I can't see You.
I'm unable to physically hear You.
I've not felt your arms around me... do You even have traditional arms?
Yet... I can't shake this feeling of wanting to experience You, though it seems impossible.

"The Fireswamp... we'll never survive" - Buttercup
"Nonsense. You're only saying that because no one ever has" - Wesley

I've realized something tonight. Just because I haven't experienced God in these very real ways doesn't mean it's not possible for me to experience Him in a deeper reality that what I've already known. It just means I've got to decide how much I really want to know Him... because venturing off into the unknown takes guts and is seldom an easy stroll.

(They survived the Fireswamp and lived happily ever after.)

Leaving footprints

Today I saw an email update of the schedule for a musicians group I was a part of for the past 2 years. The only thing that's changed since I've been gone is... well... I'm gone.

It's such a weird feeling - moving on. You look back and everything looks exactly how it looked before except you're just not in it. Things are flowing smoothly there and you struggle to remember the hectic days you knew it would all fall apart if you let it. You know they say if you did your job right nobody will need you when you go - they'll be organized, equipped and strong enough to continue on without you. And they are. They're doing great.

So where does that leave me? It leaves me wondering how much of my identity is wrapped up in what I do and my position as opposed to my identity being an definition who I am.

*Light Bulb*

All that is affected by me is merely evidence of my existence... it's not my existence - it's no my purpose for existing. We can't live for what's been or even what is or will be presented to us to live in and through - we live as who we are and welcome new experiences with which to explore the depth of wealth that has been invested in us by an amazing Creator.

While what we do does not define who we are - we do leave our footprints behind and they're very important.

...that's how I found my way to God.

"Somebody said can you find your way to God? I said I found Him in the beat-dop-a-do-bop. That's how I found my way to God" - Missy Higgins

I've found the more I do the things that make me the happiest I see a direct and correlating rise in my feeling secure in my connection and relationship with God. I could blame this on my inviting Him into these areas of my life and thus, after spending time with Him during these activities we've become closer by default, but I'm not sure that's all it is. I have a feeling that when I'm doing things that make my soul dance, spirit sing, and body energized - 9 times out of 10 I'm doing something that I believe God put a love for inside of me.... and it was for a reason.

We're all pieces to the puzzle and designed very carefully with corners, bumps and edges that fit in perfectly somewhere. Problems arise when we hide our bumps, or disregard our corners in order to fit where we feel we should fit. That never works.

I'm learning (at age 29... finally) to accept my corners, bumps and edges. To own a sense of comfort and peace with these aspects that so distinguishably define my makeup is to accept who it is God made me to be. When I can roll with that I am able to succeed at life - freely and without the pressure of trying to make myself fit someplace I'm really not meant to fit. When I know where I fit and how I fit - putting it all together is exhilarating, fun and satisfying. I'm pretty sure He gets happy when this happens.

I'm not sure why exactly at this point it makes me feel closer to Him - it just does. Someday I'll get it and do some blog-action on it. For now, I'm enjoying being content with my corners =)